Poco Amabile Lovina
by thestartledcat
Summary: Modern AU/ Mafia AU (kinda): Lovina believes she's unlovable. But after what she's dealt with, who can blame her? She is no longer willing to put effort into those who aren't willing to put effort into her and basically gives up. But Antonio thinks he can change that... (Spamano, Fem!Romano, triggers inside)


Triggers: Depression, Smut (maybe?), Lovina's language, Emotional Abuse, Neglect

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Chapter 1: Prologue

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Lovina's life was lonely and at times unbearable. She grew up with the mindset that she must be so repulsive, untalented and ugly that no one would ever love her. And not just on the outside. But who wouldn't blame her. Growing up in her household was hard. It wasn't that her family was poor. No they were far from that. But that was expected of one of the most famous mafia families. No, it wasn't wealth or anything like that. It was the people around her.

When Lovina was five, her and her younger sister went to live with their Grandfather after tragically losing their parents to a disagreement with another mafia family. At first, Lovina loved living with her grandfather like the naïve little girl she was. Clinging to her parental figure, depending on him along with her sister. She loved him too. He spoilt her and Feliciana with love and kindness. Well that was she thought he did.

The immediate family of three decided that they were going on a shopping trip in search of new clothes, shoes and whatever else they thought they might've needed. Lovina was trailing behind her Grandfather and Feliciana as most of Romulus' attention was focused on her sleeping little sister, so she decided to take the time browsing the isles they were passing.

The six year old felt sad when her Grandfather didn't spend as much time with her as her little sister and often got extremely jealous. But what older sibling wouldn't, when the parental figure spent all their time on the youngest. Regardless, she still felt hurt when she didn't get as much as attention.

"…Nonno?"

Romulus sighed and slowly drifted his attention from his youngest grandchild to his eldest, glancing at the object behind her back.

"What Lovina?"

Lovina pushed the object into his view from its original place behind her back. Shifting her gaze from the ground and straight into her Grandfather's hazel eyes. "Could I get the doll that I've wanted for a _really long_ time? It's the chef one, and I _really_ want it? _Pleeaassseee_?"

"Don't you have enough dolls at home? We didn't come to buy toys Lovina, we came to buy clothes and I don't want to buy something that you're going to lose interest in a day. We have enough useless stuff at home. I don't to just add to it."

"But Nonno, Feli got to have a her cat toy. Why can't I have mine? And most of the dolls at home are Feli's. Please Nonno? _Please_?"

"No means no Lovina. Now put it back we're leaving."

"But…"

"Don't make me ask twice. Now put the doll back." But being the stubborn she was she did not move from her spot, and began to put tighten her grip on the toy.

"No."

"No?"

"I want it. I want it. _I want it_." Lovina jumped for emphasis, her face going red in the process.

"Lovina, I don't have the time or effort to deal with you throwing a tantrum at the moment so put it back or I'm leaving without you." Romulus began to turn away, slowly beginning to walk away when the sniffling started. 'Oh please God no, I don't have the time for this.'

Lovina inhaled loudly before letting out a long loud wail. Tears flowing down her cheeks, vocal chords straining due to her volume, snot running down her nose. She was going to get this toy because if her sister could have one so could she.

"Lovina! Stop this right now! I don't want you waking your sister. So stop this silly behaviour, put the toy back and let's go!" Romulus spoke in a harsh voice that wasn't too loud but loud enough that Lovina could hear over her wailing.

"BUT I WANT IT! FELI GOT HER TOY WHY CAN'T I HAVE MINE! PLEASE!"

Romulus sighed not only in anger but frustration as well. Letting go of the shopping cart and he stormed over to his eldest grandchild, noting that her noise attracted a crowd of snobby mothers and annoyed customers. He snatched the toy out of Lovina's hands and placed it on a random shelf, before roughly grabbing her arm and dragging her back to the cart. Pushing towards it towards the exit. Once out of the store and finding a space where there weren't onlookers he stopped abruptly, Lovina running into him in the process, and turned to face Lovina.

"You will stop this behaviour right now and when I ask something of you I expect you to do it. Maybe if you were better behaved you may have gotten the toy like your sister did. Did you see her throw a fit because she didn't get something she wanted? No. When we get home you are not allowed to play with any of your toys and are to go straight to bed. Is that clear?"

"But that's not fair! Feli cries all the time!"

"This is not up for discussion Lovina. This is happening because of your poor behaviour. Now stop crying, we're going home." Romulus began to stand back up and let go of his grip on Lovina's arm and returned to the cart to see Feliciana still asleep.

Lovina trailed behind sniffling, furiously running her eyes to stop the tears from flowing. When they reached the car Lovina quickly hopped in the back and buckled up while her Grandfather buckled a sleeping Feliciana into her car seat.

The drive home was silent aside from Feliciana's soft 'Ve's' and the hum of the radio. Lovina sulked while looking out of the window. Salty water drops rolling down her face every so often. When her Grandfather pulled up into their carport, Lovina rushed out of the car and straight to her room before slamming and locking her door, letting her wave of emotions rush out of her like a waterfall.

This happened often. She didn't get toys like her sister did and if she did it took a lot of coaxing. Glancing around at her almost bare room aside from her furniture and closet, she began to feel another wave of sadness overflow her. She had three toys in total. A ballerina doll she received from a distant aunt that had forgotten she existed and handed her one of the gifts that was intended for her sister on Christmas, a pink baby bear doll that was wrapped in a pink blanket that her grandfather had given her when she born that had six years of wear and tear on it and her favourite toy of all, a male doll dressed in a chef outfit. Her mother had given it to her when she had said she wanted to own a restaurant when she grew up less than two years ago. She gave Lovina the doll saying that she had found her a head chef. Lovina really loved that doll but thought he was lonely that he was the only one working at her restaurant.

Maybe if she were a good girl he wouldn't have been lonely. Maybe if she was more like her sister she could've gotten him a friend. But unfortunately she wasn't perfect like her sister, and that was thing that hurt the most.

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Author's Note:

The plan for this story is 9 more chapters on her childhood/ teenage years, 10 chapters on older teenage years/ young adult and maybe an epilogue. But that depends if people really like this story so... R&R and write comments on whatever you feel is appropriate. :)


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